Lessons learned from my Grandmother

My Nani ,that is my Maternal Grandmother, is one the strongest women I have seen in my life. She got married at the age of 15 and she had four kids till the age of 24. She wanted to study. Therefore, she completed her Bachelors in Music and lived happily, like a Housewife, throughout her life.
She does not have Big Degrees from Top Universities or Work Experience from Top Companies, but she carries tremendous influence in the family.

We have family of mixed professionals like Doctors, Engineers, Government Officers, Teachers, etc. but my grandmother ‘quietly’ controls everyone. Her decision is always the last decision and everyone agrees to her. From her actions, she taught me 4 powerful lessons which always give results. The lessons which I learned from her are:-

1) Lesson of Divine Love- There is a difference between Love and Divine Love. In Love, we have some expectations from the people, but in divine love, we only love and nothing else. We don’t bother why the other person does not call us or greets us, etc. We love people and initiate conversation without waiting for the other. Divine Love brings people close and increases our influence over them.  My grandmother is a clear example of Divine Love. Throughout my life, I never say her waiting for others. If someone will not call her, she’ll call that person. I remember, she met her distant cousin after 20 years, but her enthusiasm and love was same for her as it was 20 years ago.

2) Lesson of Grace- Many women think that it is the beauty of women which attracts men, but ‘grace’ of women is much more powerful. According to my grandmother, beauty is a gift of God, but grace is a self-earned reward. No one can make you graceful except you yourself. She is around 70 years old, but her face has amazing attraction. She’ll not say a word and her simple eye-contact is enough to control people. “After the age of forty,” said Abraham Lincoln, “you are responsible for your face.” Slowly in life, all our deeds appear on our face. We should do good things, if we want to have a good face at the old age.

3) Lesson of Faith on God- She has a strong faith on the existence of God. I never saw her missing her daily prayers. She believes that only God has power to make and break people. HE can only curse and bless. Only HE knows the past and the coming future. Therefore, we should never divert from the path showed by the God. May be this is the faith on God, which gives her willpower to fight with so many diseases she’s having at her age. She advocates fasting and keeps fast for the welfare of others without even telling them.

4) Lesson of Politeness- She strongly believes that most of the fights take place because of the ‘tone’ we use in the conversation. A drop of honey can attract more bees than the bottle of poison. She always carries a politeness in her language and never tries to belittle people. Sweetness of her language makes her sensible and sober. People open, their heart, in front of her because they know that they are talking to the right person.

They are time tested lessons. Anyone who follows them can increase his or her influence in any part of its life. 

The Best Tool of Thinkers- Focused Question Method

I believe this is one of my important blogs.

Reading about the different self-made experts made me realized that they all used the same technique to uncover the current or coming problem.

I call this

Picture Source: Unkown

technique- Focused Question Method.

All top experts of any field have ability to ask specific focused questions; and in the process of answering these questions, they discover the innovative solutions.

In this blog, I’ll share some of the ‘questions’ which experts of different field used to ask to get the solution of the problem. You can ask these questions to answer both organizational and personal problems both.

[I solely take responsibility for the explanation of each question]

1.  Where do you hope to be in 5 years? And 

     How will you reach this goal? By what method?-  W. Edward Deming (Father of Quality)

This was the question which Deming used to ask from his clients to know exactly what his clients want; and do they have any plan of action.

2.  What is our Business? Who is our Customer?-  Peter Drucker (Father of Management)

Most of the organisations fail to answer these two questions ‘honestly’ and this leads to their downfall.

3.  What we will not do?- Jim Collins, Author of Good to Great

Jim Collins, in his book, studied 11 visionary companies and found that all visionary companies know what they will not do, no matter what happens. Knowing what we will not do is equally important as knowing what we will do.

4.  How do you want people to remember you when you will die?

     - Stephen Covey, Author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Close your eyes. Imagine that you are dead and your soul has left the world. Ask yourself- What exactly do you want people to say at your back. Write those things on a piece of paper. Start living the life you want. Prepare your life for death.

5.   What are the things which make me jealous?

      - Susain Cain, Author of Quiet: Power of Introverts

We can learn a lot from our negative emotions, if we can keep our mind open. We all have some amount of negative emotions inside us, but instead of suppressing them we should study our emotions carefully. This small practice can reveal some hidden facts about our personality.

6.  What is the Reality? – Jack Welch, CEO of General Electric

I remember, once I met a woman who had a goal that within a year she would become a millionaire. She didn’t have any job or business, and her boyfriend was also not a rich guy. After the year passed, she wanted to give million dollars in charity. Many people in life live in a strange type of mental illusion. They have constructed their own mental world and live a fool’s life, ignoring all the facts. Realism is a point between optimism and pessimism. One of the traits of great leaders is that they are realistic in life. Before, making any assumption ask yourself- what is the reality? Be brutally honest while answering this question.

7.   Have I visited the market myself? – Kim Moore, CEO of LG Companies

Sometimes, when we become supervisor of large team we start avoiding meeting customers directly and visiting the market because we believe that our team members should do that and not us. This could bring major downfall in the life of executives and companies both.  Meeting customers, dealers, sub-dealers, etc. gives us clarity about the market, for instance, once my team member told me that he was unable to find a caterer in the Block, in which he was posted. I myself went to that Block and identified three caterers for him. He accepted his mistake because he didn’t explore the nearby areas properly. Though it is a very small example, but let me tell you we all are human beings and we can do mistakes. Therefore, never come to an conclusion if you yourself have not done the monitoring.

I have a long list of questions, which top people asked themselves or others and made a great change. But, I selected only these 6 questions because I personally have liking for these questions.

Whenever, you are in a problem- simply start asking questions about the problem, for instance, What is the real problem? What are the causes? Why I want to solve this problem? How can I solve this problem? Who can help me in my work? These simple and focused questions can give great clarity to our thought process.

Qualities of an Effective Social Worker

It is a random image sent by someone. I don't take any credit for the picture.

Many times when I tell people about the type of work which me and my team is doing in Bihar (India), they get excited and show interest in supporting the similar cause.

Social Work is broadly done in four areas- Disaster, Education, Healthcare, and Livelihood. Though all of the four things are different from each other, but the qualities required, to do these types of work, are almost similar.

There are many qualities which are required to get things done in a social sector, but I have chosen top 4 qualities of an Effective Social Worker. Those qualities are-

1.       Range of Communication- You should know when to speak, write, and listen while dealing with someone, for instance, a person from public sector needs something in writing like report, letter, etc. to pay attention towards you, whereas a person from Corporate Sector wants PowerPoint Presentation, photographs, statistics, etc. to understand the depth of the situation. While working with drug abusers, criminals, molesters, etc. you have to listen more than talking and in tribes, you have to do more talking to bring out the information.
To be an effective Social Worker, you should know the different ranges of communication.

2.       Have Patience- Always remember, Change is slow.  A social worker is someone who wants to bring change in the behaviour of the community; therefore you have to be patient because change is slow. From past 150 years, people are trying to end Child Marriage, but have we achieved that goal- No- we haven’t. From past 1000 years, people are trying to bring 100% Sanitation, but have we achieved our goal-No-we haven’t. Still, I have met many young hot-blooded people, who have put their lives in dealing with these problems. Have patience because, in social sector, you can see the results of your work only in long term. Sometimes, you may even die without seeing any result of your work. But, don’t worry, because work done by you would be enjoyed by someone else. We all enjoy someone else’s hard work.

3.       Positive Mental Attitude- The philosophy of Social Sector is- Best Person At Worst Place. Being a social worker means that you’ll find yourself working in some difficult area or situation. You’ll find yourself dealing with difficult people with whom no one wants to work. You’ll be working with trans-genders, who have been ignored by the society. You’ll be working with indolent and egoist bureaucrats, to get things done in the public system. You’ll be working with tribes, who have poorest of poor living standard. Without a positive mental attitude, you can get mad, and find some other social worker doing counseling for you. You have to be tough and persistent else you’ll lose hope from everything, around you.

4.       See the Big Picture- To be an effective Social Worker, you should have a broad mindset. You should have ability to see the whole system, and not just the small segment of it. You might be working in a small segment, but you should have understanding of the whole system. You can easily connect the dots when you understand the broad picture of your work e.g. you want to increase the nutritional level in a particular area, then see- Is community willing to accept your idea? What are the obstacles in achieving your goals? Is healthy food available to the community? Can community afford healthy food? Is nutritious food accessible to the community? These questions are needed to be answered before propogating awareness and adoption.

Tips on advocacy from a social worker

Though I don’t have any degree in Social Work, but I prefer calling myself social worker because it is easy to explain what I do as a Social Worker than to explain what I do as a District Program Officer. 

When you work for a Not-for-profit organisation, you have two major customers- Government and Community. Though, customer could be anyone whom you serve, for instance, Boss, colleagues, investors, etc., but in this blog, I would use the word client to describe both government, and community.

These tips are largely inspired from my Managerial Experience, but I believe anyone from any industry can use these tips for effective advocacy.

Advocacy simply means to take support from someone, for some cause. Remember, if you want people to get into action, you’ll have to give them some motive. 

If you really want to succeed in your business, you will have to take support from your client. I am simply here to share what I have learned from my experience in social work, and advocating something to my clients.

1.      Your biggest competition is ignorance of your client. When your client does not know about you, your company, and your work then you’ll have to devote lots of quality time in making a rapport with your client. Meet your clients, share your work, tell them how you can help, and the more your client is aware about you, the more you can advocate easily about some cause.

2.      Make yourself special in some way. If you are like any other person, then people would treat you jus’ like any other person. Dress up properly, communicate effectively, and make your personality your Unique Selling Proposition (USP).

3.      Meet your client in the office, in morning, and at home, in evening. (Though, I don’t do this, but I have found many social workers doing this to get the rapport.)

4.      Your competitor can be your mentor. You’ll find people in your district or town who are already serving your clients effectively. Learn from them. See what they are doing, and you are not. Remember, success always leaves the tracks, if you do the same things what successful people do then you’ll also get the same results.

5.      The best time to meet your client is when you have made a strong appearance at some platform. Success increases your confidence, and best time to meet your client is when your confidence and influence is high.

6.      Prepare yourself before every advocacy, prepare your conversation. Meeting even a  one single client is a ‘meeting’. Give your best. The more you prepare yourself, the more would be the impact of your advocacy.

7.     It is easy to advocate anything to your client, when he thinks that you are harmless. If your client is afraid of you or does not trust you then it would decrease the impact of your advocacy. If you don’t care about your client then why should they care for you? Remove fear from your client. Tell him that you want his good. Create an environment where your client can talk with you freely.

8.    Suggest your client the benefit of a decision- tell them how they can get profit or how can they avoid loss?

9.   When your client does what you want them to do then appreciate your client. The action which is appreciated gets repeated. 

10.  Position yourself as a consultant or advisor, who can be approached anytime for the problem solving.

11.  Advocacy does not mean that you should do all the talking. Ask questions, and listen. Person who asks questions has control on the conversation. Quiet and introvert people are the most effective people in advocacy. 

12.  Make a list of your primary and secondary clients. Put your maximum energy with your primary client than on your secondary client.

13.  Don’t compromise with your self-respect in order to get any favour from your client.

People, who have high self-respect, have positive emotions, and that gives them power to persuade anyone with their conversation.

14.  You may do all this, but then also your client may reject your points of advocacy. Don’t worry; reach up to a level where you do not feel rejection or failures. Move forward towards your next goal. 

The above points are followed by all the top executives I have met in life. Follow them, and soon your productivity would rise. All the best for your future.

5 most common lies of the world

Generally, fresh graduates have certain pre-conceived thoughts in their mind about the work, workers, and organisations. They learn these 'lies' from their teachers, parents, etc. My blog is dedicated on the most common lies of the world. (Which I believe all the fresh graduates would like)

1.To lead, you must learn to obey- It is one of the popular proverbs in Leadership. But, whoever advocates this type of proverb, they should ask themselves that a person who has obeyed everyone for 15 years gets a position where he or she will have to give orders to others. Will he be able to do that? I want to share a small example from my school days- One of my teachers got promoted as principal. She started treating ‘teachers’ the same way she used to treat ‘students’. Soon, her leadership doomed, and she was replaced. To lead, you must learn to lead, and not just to obey.

2. Try, and try until you succeed- I always appreciate persisting attitude, but I don’t appreciate foolish persistence. Since childhood my elders have taught me that-do your work, and one day you’ll get success. But, it is my suggestion that invest your time both in ‘work’ and ‘relationships’. Suppose, you do great work, but your superiors don’t like you then no matter how hard you try your success would be delayed.

3. Only most experienced people should get into the top management- Experience is an important asset, but sometimes it is your biggest baggage. Generally, old people give huge importance to experience. Probably, experience is the only thing by which they can control others. I want to share a small story here- Once two generals were fighting on the depth of the river, which soldiers had to cross. They argued for two days. A soldier got fed up. He took his horse and rode across the river. After crossing the river, he screamed- its fine, we can cross it! This General and soldier type of situation would occur many times in an organisation. If we really want to keep top management active then we should definitely hire some young minds into higher positions, else we will get into the paralysis-by-analysis.

4. It’s easy to manage from the top- Many people believe that it is easy to manage from the top. You can take your own decisions, you’ll have to deal less with difficult people, everybody listens to you etc. It requires efforts to reach at the top, and it requires almost double effort to remain on the top. Saying it is easy to manage from the top is just like saying that grass is greener on the other side of the fence. The more successful you’ll become the less honest feedback you’ll get. Your staff would crystallize the information, and then it would be presented to you. Many employees believe that showing the clear picture would cost their job. This small fear always holds people in presenting the real situation to their supervisor. 

5. We hire only the best- As a fresher this was really motivating when people used to say that certain organisation hire only the best. But, slowly I realized it is a half-baked truth because I find so many incompetent people in the industry handling the most important posts. Remember, organisations want ‘best’ consultants who can work on ‘average’ salaries. Generally, these organisations give you respect, recognition, etc. so that you don’t ask for money. In short, organisations want their employees to be moralistic who can happily help in achieving organisation’s pragmatic goals.

6 things I wish I knew at the age of 16

I asked an interesting question today about myself that if I get a chance to start everything again then what skills would I like to have. I came up with 5 skills which I believe are most essential in career success. Good news is that these all skills are learnable. No one is better or worse than the other.

1. Public Speaking- I give huge importance to this skill. Ability to face the crowd and say your thoughts boldly is something which I always appreciate. Since beginning of our childhood our parents teach us to be obedient. No one teaches us to be rebellious. We subconsciously start presuming that whatever our elder say is true, and should be followed diligently. You need to be assertive to be a good public speaker. You would have to gather lots of courage to stand, and say what you want to say. That is why, I always put Public Speaking skill on the top.

2. Good Memory- Every type of information is available today within the range of one click. We have everything outside, but nothing inside.  We read a lot, but remember nothing. We sometimes appear like empty vessels. Good memory helps in storing the information in our head and then using it whenever we want to use it. Which type of person would you praise, a person who has vague opinions or the one who can support his thoughts from the evident historical data. Knowledge is the best tool to influence anybody in this world. 

3. Documentation- We all work, but how many of us keep a record of the work which we do. Answer is- very few, and only those few people put the mark on this world. Keeping a record of your work helps in self-motivation, and gives you self-confidence about your own performance. Even a small testimonial, from your senior officials, praising your work can bring a turning point in your career. Nobody knows that how a small report prepared by you can bring how much impact in your life. 

4. Accept your mistake quickly- When you do some mistake accept it quickly. Don’t delay it. Accepting your mistake proves that you have learned from your mistake and you would not repeat the same mistake in the future. This helps tremendously in developing trust between you, and your team mates. They believe more in you because of your honesty. 

5. Flinch- Flinch means to make a reaction of pain or fear from your body movements. Flinch is an important tool in ‘emotional blackmailing’. If you find that the other person has annoyed you or he’s not buying in then, flinch. Show from your body or facial expressions that you are not liking what the other person is saying or doing. 8 out of 10 times flinch technique helps in converting your competitor into your client. Almost all the good negotiators use this technique effectively. 

6. Systematic Innovation- In simple words, innovation means to create something new. It does not mean to make an old thing better, but it means to make something new, something which did not exist before. As per my experience, most of the innovations fail in the market due to different known and unknown reasons. It is my advice that before launching any innovation we should make a systematic plan of action with thorough research else we are destined to fail. If you succeed make a list of factors which helped you in succeeding, and if you fail then also make a list of factors which caused failure. Every success and every failure can help in future planning.